a douchebag and his dossier through his lense, words and music
in fighting his demons
ku cuba lagi
ku ingat ok
ku ingat ku faham apa ertinya
tapi ku tak tenang
ku inginkan sesuatu yang tidak pernah cukup
dan kan ku cuba lagi
kerana hakikatnya ku tak kan mengerti.
my life has been reduced to mundane. not that it was ever different before but just that when i look back i feel like it is, joining the dots backwards seems far more interesting than to where i am moving forward. i have nothing to look forward to. or at least I don’t know what i am looking forward for.
listening to the same two tracks that was on repeat during my across the world leg through russia makes me want to go back just there.
i miss them, i miss them all. the korean freak and the malay wanker. only them know the me then. and nobody else could understand.
i am no longer looking for answers. there are no questions. only a beat. living by the day. dreaming and wishing of things that i may never obtain. hoping for things that are not in my hands.
its like my thoughts are not working anymore. or have they been taken over by something else?
and then you realised you have been sitting in front of the computer, getting baked and listening to john legend and beyonce. frank ocean and charlie winston.
and you feel like you want to do so much. and all of it. will you?
round and round it goes. and then you get stuck. and then you are back free.
and every worthless word can’t seem to shake off the pain.
My heart is aching where only imagination can describe what’s going on in my heart, my brain, the entity of my feelings, if ever it would be in a solid form.
overcoming addiction. russell brand.