its just you and me. hello.

and then you realised you have been sitting in front of the computer, getting baked and listening to john legend and beyonce. frank ocean and charlie winston. 

and you feel like you want to do so much. and all of it. will you?

cliche. 

round and round it goes. and then you get stuck. and then you are back free. 

and every worthless word can’t seem to shake off the pain. 

patience & dissapointment - i knew you started ******* * *** c***

Newsflash.  

My heart is aching where only imagination can describe what’s going on in my heart, my brain, the entity of my feelings, if ever it would be in a solid form. 

Uruguay to legalize marijuana, Senate says

and what about failure?

fluidity in motion; working in perfect symmetry. 
the photo that won me a canon 60d.

fluidity in motion; working in perfect symmetry. 

the photo that won me a canon 60d.

one for the organisers. 
superdry launch. pavilion. 

one for the organisers. 

superdry launch. pavilion. 

my fiance. ♥
at the superdry launch. pavilion. 

my fiance. 

at the superdry launch. pavilion. 

overcoming addiction. russell brand. 

are you with me?

grey: edwards, do you know how many dogs the russians sent into space before a man walked on the moon?
edwards: those poor puppies.
grey: edwards, we are going to do a necropsy and we are going to find out what went wrong, and then we'll try again. and we will fail again, because that is what progress looks like.
edwards: progress looks like a dead sheep.
grey: no. progress looks like a bunch of failures. and you can have feelings about it, because its sad, but you cant fall apart. and one day we will succeed, and we will safe a person's life. and we will walk on the moon.

porks and dogs

boy a: i guess we have to talk about porks and dogs.
night coma: porks & dogs? me no like animals. but i like my bakuteh.
boy a: eat if you want to. but we can never have babi in our household.
night coma: i want to have piglets as pets. they are so cute.
boy a: i thought you said you no like animals.
night coma: you know why i want piglets? because if anyone tries to break in the house they will go look! a pig! then we will be safe and sound.
bog a: a dog would work the same. but i guess piglets would work better. just that if the robbers are not scared of piglets, those piglets will not be able to do jack shit but dogs could attack.
night coma: or maybe the robbers would get hungry and make pork roast out of the piglets.
boy a: ok piglets or dogs for protection but they can ever get into the house. at least one sacred room. strict ban.
night coma: cool. shake hands and seal the deal. i'll have my bakuteh in the front garden while my piglets are running around. just hope i'm not eating one of the piglets' mom.

its been too long - land of bigots?

image

its been too long. 

end of last year i went to urbanscapes to catch yuna, and i wanted to prove to myself and to others that there are as much excitement out there on my home turf.

the big boys ruled and played by the rule. areas were barricaded where they were present with signages that ‘you’ are not allowed in. a bigot was playing god, dismissing people of certain labels, in this case dismissing our own from entering into the only area in the entire field where people could relax. 

i fucking hate it. there i said it. sexists, racists, extremists. you create this community and society.

image

image

Diwali lunch. Juji at The Bee, Publika. 

Diwali lunch. Juji at The Bee, Publika. 

dear rotterdam, its 2013

4 private posts since my last:


#1: October 9th

Today I feel sad, through my belongings,

To keep, to throw, of the things no one understands.

I cant let go.

Crawling into a cupboard,

Lie down on the bottom shelf,

Leaving the door open,

Lying down on the carpeted floor,

Chest down, legs & arms wide open.


October 11th.

While I was packing in the office, among the notebooks flipped read: “drunken words are sober thoughts. Listen carefully.”

I cant remember when I wrote that and why. And how far is this true.


October 15th.

Melancholy all around. I’m hoarding. I’m going home to be reminded of thing I forgot. But I don’t want to forget the person I have become. And I hope the things I am keeping with me will remind me of who I am right now.


My last private entry since then was October 17th, wondering on a saying that goes; people say if the person that crossed your path is your kind of person, you are bound to meet again twice. And I was worried that I have used up my quotas and misses them.

Well I headed up north last year end and met up with 2 friends which I’ve technically only met once just 2 months since I left The Netherlands. And I have met up with Andy just a month  ago since he was in town for business. So one thing for sure is that the new chapter had begun. So lets try not to forget why I am here.

Only time will tell.

I am back. 

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY